Oldie but a Goodie

Sup holmes, Happy Thursday!  Amid all the Perry-mania this week, I want to apologize for the lack of fitness and nutrition tips in the posts.  It's been a crazy, fun-filled week!  But allow me to mix in a little business.  I've posted below a bit a scripture I wrote a couple years back relating to moderation, will power, the luxuries bestowed upon those who put in work, and....CHEEZ-ITS.   Check it out, its a quick read!  And don't forget, the stunning conclusion of "I'm Perry'lyzed" runs later this week.  Train Hard, Eat Right, and Make GAINZ!

[editor's note: the following post originally ran Thursday, December 13, 2007.]

I am Man. I am Flawed

Came home pretty hungry from a long day's work this evening. Luckily, I had an hour-long commute to contemplate a game plan for sated-victory. My plan consisted of three steps: 1) grab a quick healthy snack to momentarily quell said hunger, 2) take a shower to rid myself of the desk job musk, then 3) heat up some tasty (and, yes, healthy) leftovers to seal the deal.

I'm sure most of you are thinking right about now, "wow GAINZ MAKER, go ahead and brag some more about your healthy diet and quality life choices you smug jerk." But no, my friends, that is not the moral of this story. Quite the opposite in fact. As is often the case with my well thought out strategies, they aren't so well thought out. Adversity struck early. Step one of my game plan required a quick visit to the kitchen's "healthy snacks" drawer, but as I reached down into the drawer a glossy, fire-truck red box caught my eye. It took about 0.002 seconds for my neuro-optical sensors to digitize, catalogue, and properly identify the box. CHEEZ-IT Baked Snack Crackers.

Now me and CHEEZ-IT used to be good friends. We practically grew up together. One particularly fond memory was when Mama GAINZ let me bring CHEEZ-IT along for our annual camping trip to Yosemite the summer between 7th and 8th grade. It was so much fun taking turns jumping off the 20-ft cliff into the river near our site. And the ghost stories...........seriously too much fun.

But as we grew up, our paths diverged. I went off to college, while -IT stayed around to take a job at the factory. I hardly ever saw him after that. Our only real contact had been a few scattered email threads and seasonal "Happy Holidays" cards. More than anything, we're just acquaintances now.

Forgive me for getting off-track, but I'm sure you can understand the rush of nostalgia I felt from seeing CHEEZ-IT after so many years. You can now also understand my quandary: sacrifice my GAINZ to rehash olden tymes versus giving olden tymes the cold shoulder. Earlier on in my GAINZ-making career my course of action would have been obvious: cold shoulder. My rationale being, “Why would a bona-fide GAINZ-maker give in to temptation when tasty, healthy leftovers were a shower’s length away?” I believe most would think such rationale logical.

But I did not go with logic. You see, I am but a man, therefore, I am flawed. I'm no different than anybody else. I am not superior to the everyday person just because I carry the title of "GAINZ-Maker." I can be tempted! So I ditched the game plan and went ahead and dipped into CHEEZ-IT's crispy cheesiness. We chopped it up a bit and reminisced. But here's where I do differ from most people; I only consumed a handful of the baked snack cracker and resisted the urge to binge.

The situation just described is not unique. I have many old friends that I love to visit: pumpkin pie, drumstick (ice cream), nachos, etc. However, I've set up some guidelines (not hard-and-fast rules) to facilitate moderation. For example, pumpkin pie is reserved only for the holiday season, drumsticks are only to be consumed while enjoying the company of Grandpa GAINZ (he's a big fan of the drumstick), and nachos are saved for live sporting events. I try to stick to the guidelines as much as possible, but again, I may stray every so often. I am flawed. My dedication to a lifestyle of putting in sick work, however, makes such transgressions forgivable and even rewarding.  Perhaps deviating from the game plan was logical after all. I’ve been making steady GAINZ, so I earned the pleasure of CHEEZ-IT’s brief company. It’s a great feeling.