cafeGAINZ Etiquette Series: Vol. I

This Series is intended to be a continuing examination of proper etiquette and manners within a gym setting. We will update as necessary and suggestions are always welcome. Thank you.

• DO allow others to cut in line for the water fountain if you are filling up a large water bottle. 
• There's nothing more annoying than completing an excruciating set of jump squats, heading for the water fountain, then having to wait 5 minutes to get your water.  Meanwhile, your heart rate has decreased and you've lost your burn.  If you're filling up a water bottle, have the courtesy to allow those in the middle of an intense training session to get a quick swig. 
  

• DON'T break wind, if possible, while running on the treadmill. 
• Your peers will run, but they aren't going anywhere, and they will despise you.

• Keep cell phone use to a minimum!
• Look, you're important.  Yes, you are kind of a big deal.  People respect you.  But would you get the hell off your cell phone whilst GAINZ are in session?!  You don't speak on your cell phone at the dinner table, in church, or during the national anthem, do you?  Then why would you do this during GAINZ?  We understand that there are emergencies and other times you may be expecting an important call.  All we ask is that you use discretion when using your cell phone in GAINZland.

• DO allow other to "work in."
• Everybody should have the opportunity to make GAINZ...even during rush hour (i.e. 5pm-8:30pm).  Be courteous to your fellow brother or sister-in-arms.
  

•  DO NOT attempt to hit on a potential target until AFTER they are done making GAINZ.

• There's nothing worse than being hit on or asked out on a date during your workout.  Even the all-time greats lose concentration, and any lapse in concentration decreases GAINZ.  Here's an example of what I'm talking about:  A couple years ago, Johnny GAINZ was blasting his pecs at his favorite spot near the beach.  Within two agonizing sets, Johnny's pump was unreal but he was determined to power through the exhaustion.  An attractive woman nearby noticed the work Johnny was putting in and, mid-rep, quipped "There's nothing better than watching a man slay two dragons..."  After the set, Johnny thanked the woman for the compliment and sheepishly went back to his workout.  But it was too late, the damage was done.  His concentration was shot and so was the edge to his pec training.  To make matters worse, Johnny began to neglect his "dragons" over the next few months because he figured, "hey, my chest is good, the lady said so, I can spend more time focusing on my back like Cutler."  Long story short, Johnny plateaued quickly and began missing his target training goals.  It took Johnny and Wesay a while to pinpoint exactly why Johnny wasn't htting his marks, but they discovered the foil when a similar course of events happened to Wesay during gastrocnemius training.  
• Now, there's a difference between hitting on someone and flirting with someone at the gym.  Flirting implies mutuality.  Thus, if a rapport has already been established (e.g. outside the gym, after past a workout session, natural mutual animal magnetism, etc.), flirting is OK as long as it does not adversely affect others.  Flirting may even boost one's GAINZ.  For example, just the other day Wesay witnessed a harmless mutual flirting session where the dude, in an effort to impress the gal, slapped on a couple extra plates to the sitting calf raise machine.  Wesay had never EVER seen the guy attempt to calf raise that much before (and Wesay would know, he sees you when you're training).   
  

This concludes the first volume of the cafeGAINZ ETIQUETTE SERIES.