cafeGAINZ: cafeGAINZ Tip of the Day - Valentine's Day E-dish

Tip Suggestion and Bench Monkey Submission Box

1. Every week we will feature one reader-suggested fitness tip. We will either display the tip as suggested, display it with a thoughtful critique, or supplement the tip with more GAINZ depending on our analysis of the tip's GAINZ. Don't be afraid to enter a tip suggestion; it will only add to everybody's enlightenment to the way of the GAINZ and you will remain anonymous. The deadline to submit a tip for the week is Sunday at midnight. Please submit tips to cafegainz@gmail.com.

2. We will also feature one story per week from a reader describing a bench monkey encounter. Blurry, paparazzi-style photos are encouraged with submission, but don't get caught...he may be in the middle of a 'roid cycle. Deadline to submit bench monkey stories to cafegainz@gmail.com is also Sunday at midnight. Thanks!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

cafeGAINZ Tip of the Day - Valentine's Day E-dish

Before making those V-day GAINZ with your sweetie-pie, make some real GAINZ would ya? In between sets on your first chest exercise, incorporate some push-ups. For example, last time I did pecs I started out with DB chest press. In between the sets I did 10 reps of explosive push-ups (clapping hands together at the top) to KEEP THE PUMP. It was hard to even get 10 reps towards the end. Try it on for size!

10 comments:

AnonymousFebruary 14, 2008 at 11:04 AM
I also recommend dong push ups using a small medicine ball where one hand is on the ball and the other is on the floor. You push up w/ gainz making explosivness and switch hands from ball to floor. Just my 2 cents...
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Wesay GAINZFebruary 14, 2008 at 12:35 PM
Now that my friends is an awesome comment...I love the recommendation. Everyone else, contribute to the GAINZiology that's happening right here @ cafeGAINZ.com!!!!!
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AnonymousFebruary 14, 2008 at 1:48 PM
I thank you wise GM for your approval of my suggested push-up. I would leave my name but for some odd reason my username and password has not been working for a few weeks now and I've been to lazy to fix it. I will remain anonymous.
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AnonymousFebruary 14, 2008 at 3:46 PM
just curious - when you do these clapping pushups at the gym, how many people stop, stare, and mouth the word 'bitchfaggot' in your general direction?
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AnonymousFebruary 14, 2008 at 6:27 PM
When I do the clapping in the air as I do pushups, I get called 'faggotbitch' by a minimum of 3 people per clap.
Thanks.
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AnonymousFebruary 14, 2008 at 6:28 PM
BTW, what is a 'dong' pushup...or should I even ask? Is this some type of Valentines love making sheeit?
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AnonymousFebruary 14, 2008 at 8:50 PM
HATERS!!!
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Wesay GAINZFebruary 15, 2008 at 2:53 PM
there's too much hate in these comments...go elsewhere if you want to hate. cafeGAINZ is about GAINZ. BTW, you don't have to clap to make a sound...its quite possible to be inconspicuous. good day.
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AnonymousFebruary 15, 2008 at 3:03 PM
Not sure if there is a lexicon for this yet but you should add one for someone who won't do "embarrassing" work outs at the gym in fear of other people's judgement no matter how much gainz comes from the exercise.
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Wesay GAINZFebruary 15, 2008 at 5:54 PM
hahaha i like that.....although the definition in the lexicon doesn't yet detail this, a Fugazi would definitely not attempt any "embarrassing" exercise because he only knows BB bench and because he lacks self-confidence (girls might be watching). GAINZ IS GAINZ, its that simple. So I think Fugazi works for now....I'll update the lexicon after a brief trial period.
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GAINZ Lexicon

ANTI-GAINZ [an-tahy gaines] - noun - antonym of GAINZ (see below); negativity: Eating all those twinkies was some serious Anti-GAINZ. (Note: Anti-GAINZ is often abbreviated to 'A-Gz').
Armageddon [ahr-muh-ged-n] - noun - an intense arm workout that requires both biceps and triceps activation: Today's the end of the world, I'm on armageddon.....PSYCHE!!!
Back to Basics [bak tu bey-siks] - noun, phrase - a workout targeting a specific muscle group or groups, consisting of basic muscle-building movements: My "back to basics" leg workout consisted of squats, deadlifts, leg-press, lunges, and hack-squat.
Back to the Future [bak tu thuh fyoo-cher] - noun - a workout targeting the latisimus dorsi (i.e. back, lats) and peripherial muscle tissue: Your back is looking a little feeble, you should make some "back to the future" GAINZ.
Barbell [bahr-bel] - noun - a fourty-five lb. bar used for making GAINZ: Using only the barbell can limit your GAINZ. (Note: Barbell is often abbreviated to 'BB').
Bench Monkey [bench muhng-kee] - noun - a person that pretty much sticks to BB bench press.....and thats about it; the most common species of bench monkey are monday bench monkeys as they tend to congregate around all the bench presses in the gym on Monday, typically right after work; they work at a snail's pace and often start a convo by asking '...yeah...uh what is your max...you know, for bench?': Bench monkeys are annoying. Don't be a bench monkey.
Brother-in-Arms [bruth-er in ahrms] - noun - a male training partner: Jack went to the gym today with Terry, his brother-in-arms.
Delta Force [del-tuh fawrs] - noun - a workout targeting the deltoids (i.e. shoulders) and peripherial muscle tissue: I put in a sick delta force session earlier.
Dumbbell [duhm-bel] - noun - an apparatus comprising a short handle with a weight at each end used for making GAINZ: You just gotta love dumbbell alternating chest press! (Note: Dumbbell is often abbreviated to 'DB').
Fugazi [foo-ga-zee] - a mark - a guy that tries to make GAINZ strictly for the opposite sex: We saw this fugazi at the gym today doing biceps.....AGAIN....that's 5 times in the last week! (note: fugazi is also known as a poser or a fake).
GAINZ [gaines] - noun - a way of life; muscle mass; production; anything positive, really: I made GAINZ today.
Hate [heyt] - noun, verb - any ill will, however slight: Joey hated on my GAINZ by cooking white rice for dinner when he knew I worked out at 8:00 am. Stop the Hate!
Jay Cutler - [jey kuht-ler] - proper noun - the three (3) time Mr. Olympia (2006, 2007, and 2009); Wesay and Johnny GAINZ's idol; a man of pure GAINZ: Jay Cutler is simply The Man.
Juice [joos] - noun, verb - steroids or any other testosterone enhacing chemical (derogatory); can refer to supplements in general (non-derogatory): I saw this bench monkey juicing in the locker room....what a puke! I juiced [protein shake] after squats.
Keep the Pump - [keep thuh puhmp] - noun, verb, phrase - a workout, or portion of a workout, designed to either 1) supply blood into previously fatigued muscles or 2) a light workout for muscle maintenance: I'm on pecs today, but I'm gonna "keep the pump" triceps.
Legageddon [leg-uh-ged-n] - noun - a great and crucial conflict; the final battle between good (GAINZ) and evil (ANTI-GAINZ); basically the hardest, most excruciating, nauseating leg workout one can do: I ate 3 breakfasts, stretched for 30 mins, warmed up for 30 mins, and prayed all in anticipation for today's legageddon.
LMM [el em em] - noun - acronym for lean muscle mass; nice GAINZ: I wanted to make more GAINZ so I went back to school to get my LMM degree.
Melt [melt] - noun, verb, adjective - to become liquefied by heat or pressure; a trainwreck of the utmost degree; cracking under pressure: Today has been a total meltdown. John didn't give his all in the gym today...he friggin melted. My favourite sandwich is a [insert name]melt.
Perry'lyze [per-ee-lize] - verb - greatness; awesomess; straight up the best: After hearing Steve Perry's "Oh Sherrie," an energized Johnny decided to run down to the gym and perry'lyze his quads.
Put in Work [poot in wurk] - phrase - basically going to the gym, running track, etc. on a mission to make GAINZ: I'm about to "put in sick work" today. (notice the use of the modifier "sick" in the example sentence)
Scripture [skrip-cher] - noun - any written workout plan, usually jotted down on a piece of scratch paper; considered sacred in the world of GAINZ: Johnny transcribed a total body scripture for his friend's next workout.
Sister-in-Arms [sis-ter in ahrms] - noun - a female training partner: Nellie GAINZ is my sister-in-arms.
STACKZ [staks] - noun - a combination of dietary and/or herbal supplements, the combination of which is designed for some type of GAINZ-making (i.e. fat loss, muscle GAINZ, muscle recovery): Peggy uses a green tee extract/carnitine STACKZ to supplement her workout to stay lean.
Swiss Ball [swis bawl] - noun - an elastic ball used to provide an unstable lifting surface while making GAINZ; great for balance and stabilizer training: Abs are shredded on the swiss ball. (note: swiss ball is also known as balance ball, birth ball, body ball, exercise ball, fit ball, fitness ball, gym ball, physioball, pilates ball, sports ball, stability ball, swedish ball, therapy ball, and yoga ball, among others).
Tri-Force [try fawrs] - noun - a workout targeting the three triceps heads and peripherial muscle tissue: Let's make some tri-force GAINZ in about an hour!
Work Boots [wurk boots] - noun - athletic shoes purchased specifically for the purpose of being the primary shoe to work out in, but can also refer casually to any shoes that GAINZ are currently made in: Footlocker was having a sale so me and some friends got some new work boots.

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

cafeGAINZ Tip of the Day - Valentine's Day E-dish

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